Thinking about Muck’s story re his battle with the health profession led me to write this little thread.
1) Dealing with the Phone Company
I received a call from my kid saying “Hey dad, my phone is not working. I cannot send texts or access the internet (might as well be dead these days if you are a young person and cannot send texts or access the internet, it seems). Can you help me out?” It became my problem of course because the account is in my name.
“OK”, says I, knowing how un-fun this was going to be.
So, I called the phone company. “Please enter the number of the phone that you are inquiring about” says autobot. Dit dit dit, I do as instructed. Dial 1 for billing, etc etc., followed by the hash key. Dit dit.
Then comes the obligatory: “We are experiencing longer than normal delays at this time. Your call will be answered by the first available technician”. Whoa! Now there was a surprise. So I kick back and wait. It actually “only” took about ten minutes before the call was picked up – by one of those non-descript types of voices you get when you are getting an overseas call center. Great, thinks I. This is not going to go well, methinks.
After the general introductory banter, I am asked what phone number am I inquiring about. Damn, that gets my blood rushing a bit. “Umm”, says I – “you just had me type that in. What is the point in having me type it in and then asking for it again?”. Of course, overseas call-taking-person had no clue as to what I was talking about, or why I was making that point.
After the next couple minutes of clear-the-identity hurdles, I explain the problem – no text, no internet, but can make/receive calls.
“OK” says overseas-call-person, “I need you to turn your phone on and…”.
“Sorry, overseas-call-person”, says I. “I do not have the phone, it is with my kid, who is far away, and I cannot access the phone. What else can we do?”
Well, now it starts to get interesting. My response did not compute. The person again asks me to get out the phone, and so I repeat the situation – “I do not have the phone nor can I access it. What can we do”. Silence on the other end of the phone while overseas-call-person’s one brain cell whirs into action.
Again this lady says “I need you to turn on the phone…”.
At which point I ask: “Where are you located?”
“Manila”, says she.
“What a surprise! Do you speak English?”, I ask.
“Of course I do!” she replies.
“Oh, says I. Well that leaves only one alternative then as to why you are not understanding me. You must be a moron. Are you a moron?” says I.
Silence for a few seconds, then “What?” she says.
“I asked you if you are a moron, because you say you speak English, but I have told you three times that I do not have the phone, and cannot access the phone, yet you keep asking me to turn it on. So I conclude you must be a moron.”
She scurries off and gets her supervisor, and after some further to and fro, I am finally advised that they are not able to help me because they are a subsidiary, and the parent provider will need to help me. Out-fucking-standing. There goes thirty minutes of my life I will never get back, all spent dealing with a moron.
So then I call the parent company. Same deal – type in the phone number dit dit dit, wait on hold, finally get picked up, and again asked what phone number I am calling about.
Rinse and repeat my comments about why the hell do you get me to type the number in if you are then going to ask me what it is?
The foreignmalecallperson then indicates he can help me, asks can he put me on hold and he will be right back. Great, thinks I, disbelieving his comments.
A minute or so later, a femalforeigncallperson comes on the line:
“What can I do for you” says she.
“Who the hell are you?” says I, “I was on hold with foreigncallperson #1″. We finally sort out that she was now going to help me.
“Can I have the number of the phone..” she starts out. Oh, man. Here we go. After a severe lashing, she manages to find the phone number all by herself. It was a miracle!
“Oh”, says she, “that is through our subsidiary – you will need to call them”.
Oh boy. Now things escalated. I explained I had already called them and they sent me here to the parent company.
So then I was transferred to another femaleforeigncall person, who immediately asked for the phone number again. Are you kidding me?!!!! With some subtle encouragement, she managed to find the phone number all by herself! Two miracles!
Then, we start again – what the problem is, where the phone is located, that I do not have it, etc. Followed by – you guessed it – “I need you to turn on your phone”.
And then me, “Do you speak English? Where are you located? Is Manila entirely populated by morons, or do they all just come and work for this phone company?”
Silence. Passed on to upper level supervisor. Same series of questions, etc., but foreignsupervisorcallperson did not ask me the number (I think perhaps I finally made that point), and I was finally able to get them to understand where the phone was, and that they would need to deal with my kid.
All told, it took me around an hour and a half, and raised my blood pressure 50 points.
But hey, the phone got fixed, and I got the following text from my kid: “Phone works now. Thanks”. Gee, that made the whole exercise worthwhile.
2) Dealing with Apple
The second case started when my other kid and a friend walked into the house, and I heard my kid say “I told you we should have got my dad to help. He would have taken care of it”. Turns out the friend had an Iphone that had a faulty battery that would not hold a charge for more than 2 minutes. It is a known issue, and Apple has agreed to replace all the faulty batteries.
The friend and my kid went into Apple store, and tried to get it replaced. The friend had broken the screen somehow, and had it replaced with a non-Apple product of some type. The Apple “genius” said that they would not replace the battery as the phone had been tampered with. My kid asked me could I sort it out for his friend. Great, thought I. “OK, let me do a bit of research”. After the research, we headed off to the Apple store.
We went back to the same Apple ‘genius”.
LL: “Hi, need this faulty battery replaced that has been recalled”.
Apple genius (AG): “Sorry, we cannot help as the phone has been worked on by someone else”.
LL: “Does a broken screen affect the battery?”
AG: “Ummm, no”.
LL: (showing screenshot of the Apple website where the product is recalled and where it says the battery will be replaced): “This is where the product has been recalled. Can you read where it says that all batteries will be replaced?”
AG: “Ummm, yes, but I still cannot do it because it has been tampered with”.
LL: “You do know that it is legal to get a product repaired by other than the original manufacture, and the original manufacturer still has to warrant those parts that are not affected by the the other repairer, right?”
AG: “Huh?”
LL: “Well, you have said that the screen does not affect the battery, and so commercial law is that you still have to warrant the battery. You understand, right?”
AG: “Huh?”
LL: “You really are not much of a genius are you? Seems to me there are two possibilities. The first possibility is that you are a moron. Are you a moron?”
AG: ‘Huh? I mean no, no sir I am not.”
LL: “Sure am glad to hear that. Well then, it seems the second possibility is most likely then – that you have been told by your superiors to do everything possible not to replace the batteries on these recalled units. Have you been told that?”
AG: (whispering) “My manager is right over there and I think he is listening, so I really can’t answer that.”
LL: “I see. Well, maybe I should be speaking to him instead then, what do you think”
AG: “Umm yes sir”.
Apple Genius Supervisor (AGS): (after to and fro and explanations are complete, legal issues conveyed, etc): “Sorry sir, we will not be replacing this battery”.
LL: “OK then. So let me explain it a bit differently. Until now I have been very very calm and quiet. But I am not getting what I want and what we are legally entitled to. So here is what I am going to do – I am now going to get very very loud in this store, where you currently have around 100 customer, and I am going to make sure everyone knows that Apple does not honor its warranty, and that it is predatory, and I am not going to use any profanity and threaten anyone, and I am going to do this for a long time, and the rent-a-cops you might call will not be able to evict me, and you will actually have to call in real cops to get rid of me. And all of this will happen because you will not replace a $20 battery”.
AGS: (after considering this for a few seconds, turns to AG and says) “Replace the battery”, and stomps off.
AG then quietly says: “The real issue is that when we replace the battery, we break a lot of screens. That is where all the cost is – we have to replace the screens when we break them getting the battery in and out. That is why they do not want us replacing batteries if we can help it”.
All went well with the battery replacement, and we were on our way.
As we left the store, my kid turned to his now happy friend and said “Told you my dad would get you a new battery”. My kids have seen this all many, many times before.
I have a lifetime of experience being aggressive. I am particularly skilled at it – and am able to raise hell for very extended times without using profanity, or crossing lines that might get me in trouble. However, it takes a big toll over the years.
I really do not know how to be anything else, but the reality is when faced with the types of situations described above, there are two options – you can walk away, or you can fight. The bastards rely on most folks walking away.
The hell with letting them win.
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